28/10/2025 Part A
Dear Diary, It's 11:53pm 29th of October 2025 right as I am typing this on my plastic chair in front of my rather unergonomic desk, feeling the culminating weight of numerous "nothingness" tearing me apart limb to limb I had no choice but to write this entry otherwise I would end up spending the next two hours switching through breathing techniques and every imaginable technique I've known to calm a panic attack, I'm afraid.
It has been a long while since the looming tantrum sat in my chest like a stone, stoic and immovable. Most of the time it sits at the edge of my mind, something that catches my attention but it doesn't make me flinch, it has been so but tonight it had the audacity to tumble down and present its disgusting information right up at my face and I have no strength to push it away. Perhaps it has been long overdue and my time has finally come but before I get to that moment I must present the emotions like a parade because, as I've been told, I always make everything about myself, and so I am going to I must do it in the most presentable form I can think of, which is to post it in my neocities so it can live there long after I am gone- or at least as long as the servers are up hosting this entry, or maybe the apocalypse shall take everything down along with everything I've ever known.
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This episode feels like its only the beginning and that it won't be long until I wallow in a puddle of self-loathing. I was told that movement is the best cure for this but it feels as if I am frozen in place- quite like how people are unable to bite their fingers off- not that I would- I prefer my digits 10-10. Wait no, I meant 5-5 haha!